Monday, March 27, 2006
The Best Plane Ride I've Ever Had
Frog 1: Mister...Mister…Excuse me, Mister. You cannot have your seat this far back, we are not up in the air.
Me: I think this seat is broken, and probably is broken now since you pushed it so hard.
Frog 1: You need to find another seat, Mister; the man’s legs will be hit by the seat.
Me: I don’t think that is going to be possible, it’s a pretty full flight. Look...the seat does not touch his legs.
Frog 1: You cannot sit in the seat; you have to have your seat locked.
Me: I can call the flight attendant, but this is not in my control. I won't lean back at all. How's that?
Frog 1: You need to move your seat, now. This is against the law, Mister.
Frog 2: Yes, Mister, this is hurting my legs, you need to move now.
Me: It’s not touching his legs. The seat locks halfway back. Let's make a deal...I won't lean back and then you won't have to kick the seat. Ok?
Frog 1: No, this is unsatisfactory, you need to move now. You are breaking the law.
Me: Folks, I'm really trying to work with you. This seat does not touch his legs and I promise I won't lean it back. This is really simple to solve.
Frog 1: You cannot have a seat like this. This is against the rules.
Me: Lady, in about two minutes when we are up in the air, this won't be an issue. I will have moved the seat all the way back as is my right as a passenger and then there is nothing that you can do about it. So what's the issue?
Frog 2: You need to move from this seat. This is against the law.
Me: This is not that difficult to solve, folks. I won't move the seat back...at all! Will that make you happy?
Frog 1: We cannot travel like this for three hours. This is ridiculous.
(Now everyone in a four row range was watching the drama unfold. I could have left this alone and thought this might just be a cultural thing…but decided…naw...they're French...let’s have some fun)
Me: Excuse me; but are any of you employees of this airline?
Frog 1: No
Me: Are any of you American Citizens?
Frog 1: No
Me: Are you a diplomat or in Foreign Service for your country?
Frog 1: No
Me: Are you an active duty member of a foreign military?
Frog 1: No
Me: I've really, really tired to be nice to you since you're guests in my country. But I would like to offer this suggestion: Shut the hell-up and leave me alone. You need to mind your manners when you’re not in your own country.
Frog 2: What did you say, Mister?
Frog 1: You can not talk to us like that!
Frog 3: Are all Americans as rude as you, Mister?
Me: Yeah. I’d say 99% of us are this rude when dealing with Euro-trash. One more thing, Frenchies…if it wasn’t for the United States, you would be speaking to me in German. Gutten Nacht, Cochon! (German / French – Good Night. Pigs)
I sat back down and said nothing. Mumbling incoherently and loudly, Frog 1 then called the nurse. When she/he arrived and surveyed the situation, it was determined that the seat was indeed damaged, but still functional since it locked half-way back from DEFCON 1 – all the way back, slicing into Frog’s 2 legs.
Frog 1 and 2, vehemently protested but there was nothing that could be done by the Flight Attendant. I did not have to exit the plane since this was the last flight out, nor did I have to find another seat since the flight was full. My new Frog friends just cussed the rest of the way to Florida. And of course, I made my seat go back as far as possible with every air-pocket...remember, the seat was broken. Or was it?
C'est la guerre!
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