Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Political Correctness Update
(submitted by email)
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore..
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not a "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER" or “A WOMAN OF MEANS”
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" – He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DEFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Vote for your favorite today
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore..
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not a "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER" or “A WOMAN OF MEANS”
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" – He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DEFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Vote for your favorite today
Despite the fact that I'm a proud Liberal (may as well get "full disclosure" out of the way up front), I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you on the idiocy of "political correctness" that's swept the nation - primarily the fault of my compatriots on the Left.
I've long contended that these hyphenated labels are constructed in the wrong order, because they place "American" second in importance. In other words, "Mexican-American" strongly implies an allegience to one's place of ancestral origin, rather than a pride in U.S. citizenship. Shouldn't the term (if we MUST use one at all) be "American of Mexican descent"? You can fill in the other blanks from there.
Oh well... maybe it's just that I'm a "Visually-Challenged, Cranially-Deforested, Progressively-Inclined Alsatian-American" who has no problem being called a nearsighted, bald Democrat whose great-great-great grandfather came from France!
I've long contended that these hyphenated labels are constructed in the wrong order, because they place "American" second in importance. In other words, "Mexican-American" strongly implies an allegience to one's place of ancestral origin, rather than a pride in U.S. citizenship. Shouldn't the term (if we MUST use one at all) be "American of Mexican descent"? You can fill in the other blanks from there.
Oh well... maybe it's just that I'm a "Visually-Challenged, Cranially-Deforested, Progressively-Inclined Alsatian-American" who has no problem being called a nearsighted, bald Democrat whose great-great-great grandfather came from France!
Bob, thanks for the reply. I am a 'follicly challenged' 'right-of-center-politically disposed' 'rythm-impaired' 'generationally removed decendent of oppressors of non-caucasian non-North Americans and indiginous peoples'
How's that?
Thanks for the visit to my site. Who cares if you're liberal. You're prod of it. Most people do not have such strong convictions - makes for good debate. Even if you're a lib, you see the stupidity and dangers of PC crud.
Bravo! Come back anytime!
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How's that?
Thanks for the visit to my site. Who cares if you're liberal. You're prod of it. Most people do not have such strong convictions - makes for good debate. Even if you're a lib, you see the stupidity and dangers of PC crud.
Bravo! Come back anytime!
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